Meld Magazine

I launched out on my own to work on Meld Magazine full-time (albeit unpaid) to see where I could take it. I gave myself 12 months to assess – keep going or shut up shop – and now that the time has come, all I can think about is, let’s do it again! It has been exhilarating watching not just our readership grow, but the team and the community that has been birthed out of it. And where I’ve been stretched in my knowledge, I’ve been incredibly lucky to have met people who have invested so much of their time and expertise – in me, in us – in the tech and business side of things.

City-living

After renting with friends for the past 13 years – I’ve lived in St Kilda, Kew, Kensington and Maribyrnong – I finally decided to move out on my own and into the hustle and bustle of the Melbourne CBD. I ditched the car and walked to work, and everywhere else really, and loved it. I spent a lot less time travelling, and spent a lot more time with people. And who would’ve thought that my humble one-bedder could be transformed into a test kitchen/photography studio to produce a cookbook?

He proposed! 

I said yes, but not without much fear and trembling. Like I had blogged about it back in April:

I know some girls dream about a fairytale wedding and begin collecting ideas and looking for inspiration long before they get hitched.

I suppose I’ve never really given much thought to it having grown up hearing stories about the realities of marriage, the pain of infidelity, people who feel they have chosen their partners poorly and end up co-existing in a loveless marriage. One of my greatest fears used to be the thought of waking up 10 years after being married and looking at the man lying next to me, and thinking, “What have I done?”

The past more than two years with Heng Khuen has been an exercise in confronting my fears – perceived or otherwise – and learning to trust in his character, words and action. It’s also been a delightful journey in discovering God’s sovereignty over my life. Time and time again, I have been surprised by joy, and He has certainly done exceedingly abundantly over and above what I could have asked for or imagined.

Who can say how our lives are going to turn out? For better or for worse, in sickness or in health, I can only trust that His grace shall be sufficient for me and that His strength will be made perfect in my weakness. I will be able to deal with whatever comes my way when it comes my way. No point worrying about the what-ifs now.

Home sweet home

Perhaps it was the resistance of growing up – of dabbling in “adult things” like investments in property. But nothing better than an impending wedding date to deliver a swift kick to the butt to begin house hunting in earnest. No amount of reading up/research would have ever prepared me for it. It’ll be easier if we ever bought another house, but for what it was worth, it was gut-wrenchingly stressful – from the 15-minute house inspections to pouring over the housing inspector’s report to putting in a pre-auction offer, awaiting the reply, signing the contract, figuring out the finances…. but we did it, and I guess I did eventually learn to fill big people’s shoes.

Hobart

In early December I was in Hobart to present at the ISANA Annual Conference about engaging international students through new media. I wasn’t sure which was more nerve-wrecking – stage fright or the fact that I had actually agreed to do it a week before the wedding. But it was all worth it. Preparing my slides and sharing our learnings as a start-up was a good exercise in reflection and retrospection and I was surprised how quickly the time flew during the presentation. The feedback I received from the delegates has also encouraged me to keep going in the international student/education space.

And yes finally…

I got married!

The wedding in Melbourne was beautiful… and we couldn’t have been luckier to celebrate it in the company of our family and close friends at Yarra Valley and have it captured by our wonderful photographer Jonathan Ong. We remembered our departed fathers. My mother overcame her back problems and walked me down the aisle. Our mentors who have been there for us since day one bought plane tickets for their family of 5 just so they could share this milestone with us. My childhood bestie and maid-of-honour finished work and caught the overnight flight out of Singapore and made it just in time for our wedding the next morning. Talk about cutting it close!

Though Superman nearly stole the show in his stunning blue lycra and bright red underpants. It even made it to the Chinese papers in Malaysia and New York.

Phew. What a big year that was. And with that I bid farewell to 2011. Hello 2012!

1 You walked off and left us, and never looked back. God, how could you do that?
We’re your very own sheep;
how can you stomp off in anger?

22-23 On your feet, O God—
stand up for yourself!
Do you hear what they’re saying about you,
all the vile obscenities?
Don’t tune out their malicious filth,
the brawling invective that never lets up.

The Psalm sings like a song. Music made up of movements. Self-contained parts of a musical composition which needs to be performed in succession in order for a work to be complete.

As I ruminate upon Asaph’s Psalm, I discover again the movement the heart goes through in prayer. The pushing and pulling, the daring to question God, the remembrance of who He is and whose we are. We need them all.

For Asaph, there was no pussyfooting around God. How liberating! He was upfront, honest, direct. What confidence! He had questions and accusations, and he brought them to God. Such example!

Oh, time to sing a new song to God!

1-2The congregation in Antioch was blessed with a number of prophet-preachers and teachers… One day as they were worshiping God—they were also fasting as they waited for guidance—the Holy Spirit spoke: “Take Barnabas and Saul and commission them for the work I have called them to do.”

3So they commissioned them. In that circle of intensity and obedience, of fasting and praying, they laid hands on their heads and sent them off.

4-5Sent off on their new assignment by the Holy Spirit, Barnabas and Saul went…

God worked powerfully through Barnabas and Paul (Saul) as they set out on their God-commissioned assignments.

They were ever ready to bring the Word of God to the people, be it Jews or Gentiles. The message was clear in their hearts, it was on the tips of their tongues.

Led by the Holy Spirit, they acted boldy and decisively, and moved in authority when they needed to.

They encouraged and took time out to invest into those who were hungry, and passed by those who slammed the doors in their faces with a shrug of their shoulders.

They were two happy disciples, filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit.

So often I am deceived by the myth that success comes only out of talent, hard work, diligence and perseverance. And I take that attitude into the workplace, into ministry, and all my other endeavours.

How the early church operated in the days of Acts reminds me that there is a time and place for learning to discover what we have been called, i.e. set apart, to do.

We probably all have a God-commissioned assignments, except few of us are as acutely aware as the community at Antioch to know how to express it in our daily lives, let alone be able to tap into the power of the Holy Spirit as Barnabas and Paul did.

Wouldn’t we all enjoy our work more if we knew it was our God-commissioned assignment and were able to witness His Spirit partnering with us in all our endeavours? How exciting would that be!?!

Ah, what an apt season it is for me now, to prayerfully listen and grow in confidence in what I believe God has called me to do. And then perhaps, I will finally know how to move in the power of His Spirit, and discover what my vision of success actually is.

8-10The Master sent a message against Jacob.
It landed right on Israel’s doorstep…
But they were a proud and arrogant bunch.
They dismissed the message, saying,
“Things aren’t that bad.
We can handle anything that comes.
If our buildings are knocked down,
we’ll rebuild them bigger and finer.
If our forests are cut down,
we’ll replant them with finer trees.”

1-12So God incited their adversaries against them,
stirred up their enemies to attack…
13-17But the people paid no mind to him who hit them,
didn’t seek God-of-the-Angel-Armies.

So God hacked off Israel’s head and tail,
palm branch and reed, both on the same day.
The big-head elders were the head,
the lying prophets were the tail.
Those who were supposed to lead this people
led them down blind alleys,
And those who followed the leaders
ended up lost and confused.

Again and again, Isaiah’s words are a firm reminder that neither labels nor positions matter in the kingdom that God reigns. There is no partiality with God (Romans 2:11), insider or outsider, Jew or Gentile. He will hire outsiders to herd His flocks and foreigners to work His fields (Isa 61:5).

But the heart matters. What flows out of the abundance of our heart matters. Our ability to respond to God – through listening points, trials and hardships – matters.

It’s frightening to see how our heritage, roles and responsibilities don’t save us. In Israel’s case, the children of God had lost the sense of God’s sovereignty over their lives. Their leaders relied on their own strength, led their followers down blind alleys, leaving them lost and confused.

It’s day 6, and the same message confronts me again and again:

To put first things first and set apart these 40 days to focus on my own spiritual journey.

To dismiss the false sense of urgency to achieve, get things done; but seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and trust that all else will be added unto me.

To not busy myself by looking to the left or to the right; for the best thing I could do for those I love and serve is by first feeding the inner man.

Help me to stand steadfast Lord. Amen.

1 Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.

3 For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

4 They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.

5 They are free from common human burdens;
they are not plagued by human ills.

I really like the way The Message puts this Psalm: No doubt about it! God is good – good to good people, good to the good hearted. But I nearly missed it, missed seeing the goodness. I was looking the other way, look up to the people at the top, envying the wicked who have it made, who have nothing to worry about, not a care in the whole wide world.

It’s easy to miss God’s goodness, and everything He is seeking to cultivate in us when we look around and all we see are the glaring examples of those who seemingly have had it made in life. Sometimes, I can’t help but gawk at the insane visions of success they have carved out for themselves – the owners of multi-million, for some billions – empires. (Not that it ever came easy for them, many of them would tell you stories of going from rags to riches.)

I consider my own endeavours and search my heart. What does a successful life in my terms look like?

Forget about comparing my aspirations with the rich and famous. Even among peers, the temptation is there to measure my achievements against theirs – many of whom have really done well for themselves (and who would have thought judging from the ragtag munchkins we were back in primary and secondary school?). Indeed, the decision to take a year off threatens to lose its shine when I place that alongside people who are doing “real things” with their lives – jobs with prestigious companies, jobs that promise good financial returns, jobs that take them places.

But like a surgeon’s scalpel ridding a cancerous tumour from a dying patient, I have been saved by this Psalm – verses 15-20 from The Message with my additions:

“If I’d given in and (continued to) talk like this, I would have betrayed Your dear children (and the people I have sought to lead o the spiritual journey all this while). Still when I tried to figure it out, all I got was a splitting headache…

Until I entered the sanctuary of God. Then I saw the whole picture.”

It is stupid thinking, an illusion – “We wake up and rub our eyes… nothing. There’s nothing to them. And there never was.”

In the Sanctuary of God I come back to meaning and purpose. I remember my roots, my origin – how everything that I am is intricately bound up in the Creator. I mean, the very breath that I breathe comes from Him. The very fact that we have no control or power over life and death should remind me and wake me up to His sovereignty.

And lucky that the Lord over all Creation is a God worthy to be praised. A God who is holy and just. A God who is compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. A God who is good. Good to good people, good to the good hearted. In the sanctuary, I cannot miss that.

In the sanctuary I find the courage to stand steadfast, and remain content – no joyous – at where I am in life. In the sanctuary I am thankful that I am alive, alive to life!

I’m excited about these 40 days, for this revival in my heart. And I take it back, it’s not a year off, but a year on – of living life to the full.

In a picture hauntingly reminiscent of what we saw took place between Eve and the serpent in the garden of Eden, the King of Assyria said to the Israelites in Isaiah 36:

“Do not let Hezekiah persuade you to trust in the LORD when he says, ‘The Lord will surely deliver us: this city will not  be given into the hand of the king of Assyria.’

“This is what the king of Assyria says: Make peace with me and come out to me. Then every one of you will eat from your own vine and fig tree and drink water from your own cistern until I come and take you to a land like your own – a land of grain and new wine, a land of bread and vineyards.”

The story of Israel’s slavery in Egypt also seems to be an ancient parable of our predicament of work. Moses had to fight and ask Pharoah for leave to worship God. And how often, have we had to scrimp and scrounge around for the remnants of our time after a weary day’s labour? We hardly give the best of our lives and energies to the pursuit of His Kingdom and His righteosness. We spend most of our time serving other gods, whose standards dictate us live according to the way of the bottom line.

How shall we break camp?

2 Kings 18-19 and James 5 paints a picture of compelling faith, and I draw strength and courage from that for my own journey.

Knowing that He is with me, and that I am safe in His hands.

Knowing that He shall provide for me, that His favour is more precious and will go farther than my own efforts to carve out a name for myself.

Yes, yes, yes, there is a case for faith. Yes, yes, yes, there is a vision that is compelling.

^5-9God didn’t put angels in charge of this business of salvation that we’re dealing with here. It says in Scripture,

What is man and woman that you bother with them;
why take a second look their way?
You made them not quite as high as angels,
bright with Eden’s dawn light;
Then you put them in charge
of your entire handcrafted world.

When God put them in charge of everything, nothing was excluded. But we don’t see it yet, don’t see everything under human jurisdiction. What we do see is Jesus, made “not quite as high as angels,” and then, through the experience of death, crowned so much higher than any angel, with a glory “bright with Eden’s dawn light.” In that death, by God’s grace, he fully experienced death in every person’s place.

^10-13It makes good sense that the God who got everything started and keeps everything going now completes the work by making the Salvation Pioneer perfect through suffering as he leads all these people to glory.

^14-15Since the children are made of flesh and blood, it’s logical that the Savior took on flesh and blood in order to rescue them by his death. By embracing death, taking it into himself, he destroyed the Devil’s hold on death and freed all who cower through life, scared to death of death.

^16-18It’s obvious, of course, that he didn’t go to all this trouble for angels. It was for people like us, children of Abraham. That’s why he had to enter into every detail of human life. Then, when he came before God as high priest to get rid of the people’s sins, he would have already experienced it all himself—all the pain, all the testing—and would be able to help where help was needed.

- Hebrews 2:5-18, The Message

The best movies are the ones that contain a twist in the story. The ones that find us holding out with bated  breath, trying to crack open the mysteries and questions that remain unresolved. And then comes the ingenious twist, a vital piece of information that turns everything on its head, changing the way we interpret the facts, the way we read the characters. Covers are exposed and we realise the good guys were in fact the bad ones. We learn to love the flawed characters, whose hearts are revealed to be good.

I think Hebrews depicts a Gospel story like this. Jesus is the twist in the story, the piece of information that completely transforms the way we understand God, our world, each other. God hadn’t given up on His creation. In fact, He loved it so much He sent His only Son to redeem what we thought was lost. He came in flesh for us that we may not have to wonder if He was real. He came to show us the way. But it is was a way that very few would expect. He did not come with guns blazing. He came walking the way of humility. He came walking the way of forgiveness and grace. He laid down His life that others may live. This was His way of salvation. And He called on all to follow Him.

It’s hard to make choices like these when we look around at life as it is – and we don’t see it yet, we don’t see everything under human jurisdiction. When all we see is capitalism at work, private markets where it’s every man for himself. But we do need to remember the original creation mandate, and the twist in the story. We were created for more than what things are right now.

When I feel defeated, I remember that the war has not been lost. He will complete his work of salvation and lead His people to glory. The people of the Cross will triumph.

My thoughts are muddy, and it’s hard to feel triumphant when I feel so enslaved to the systems and structures that weigh people down in every aspect of life. But I remember that what I see now is not all there is to it, I remember what He has accomplished at the Cross, and look forward to all You are doing in and through us. Amen.

⁸ Woe to you who add house to house
       and join field to field
       till no space is left
       and you live alone in the land…

    12 They have harps and lyres at their banquets,
       pipes and timbrels and wine,
       but they have no regard for the deeds of the LORD,
       no respect for the work of his hands.

    13 Therefore my people will go into exile
       for lack of understanding;
       those of high rank will die of hunger
       and the common people will be parched with thirst…

    15 So people will be brought low
       and everyone humbled,
       the eyes of the arrogant humbled.

    16 But the LORD Almighty will be exalted by his justice,
       and the holy God will be proved holy by his righteous acts…

    20 Woe to those who call evil good
       and good evil,
       who put darkness for light
       and light for darkness,
       who put bitter for sweet
       and sweet for bitter.

    21 Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes
       and clever in their own sight.

    22 Woe to those who are heroes at drinking wine
       and champions at mixing drinks,

    23 who acquit the guilty for a bribe,
       but deny justice to the innocent.

    24 Therefore, as tongues of fire lick up straw
       and as dry grass sinks down in the flames,
       so their roots will decay
       and their flowers blow away like dust;
       for they have rejected the law of the LORD Almighty
       and spurned the word of the Holy One of Israel.

- Isaiah 5

I love and fear the God I read about in Isaiah. The God whose heart is for justice, and the God whose anger is stirred when His chosen people treat His creation, His purposes with contempt, who elevate themselves to the status of God and make a mockery of His mandate to be good and trustworthy rulers over the earth.

Passages like this keep my heart and feet grounded  on earth, on how I should I live, what I should put my hands to do. Seek first His Kingdom and His reighteousness, and all else will be added unto you, I’m reminded.

It’s a hard thing to outwork in a market driven by self-made men, where money, status, and posessions rule the roost. It’s the only way we can become successful, be influential, we often think.

But not so for our God who is in heaven, who does whatever pleases Him.

    4 Their idols are silver and gold,
       made by human hands.

    5 They have mouths, but cannot speak,
       eyes, but cannot see.

    6 They have ears, but cannot hear,
       noses, but cannot smell.

    7 They have hands, but cannot feel,
       feet, but cannot walk,
       nor can they utter a sound with their throats.

    8 Those who make them will be like them,
       and so will all who trust in them.

    9 House of Israel, trust in the LORD—
       he is their help and shield.

    10 House of Aaron, trust in the LORD—
       he is their help and shield.

    11 You who fear him, trust in the LORD—
       he is their help and shield.

    12 The LORD remembers us and will bless us:
       He will bless the house of Israel,
       he will bless the house of Aaron,

    13 he will bless those who fear the LORD—
       small and great alike.

    14 May the LORD cause you to increase,
       both you and your children.

    15 May you be blessed by the LORD,
       the Maker of heaven and earth.

    16 The highest heavens belong to the LORD,
       but the earth he has given to humankind.

- Psalm 115

I take a few how-to lessons from Jude, on surviving the people who seek to cause division, who follow their natural instincts and lack the conviction to do what is good and what is righteous.

And that is, to build up our faith by praying in the Holy Spirit, keeping ourselves in God’s love as we await His purposes and promises fulfilled here on earth as it is in heaven.

I’m learning to put first things first, Lord. May Your blessings follow me all the days of my life.

The psalmist speaks of a God who is directly and intimately involved in our world: He waters the mountains from his upper chambers. The land is satisfied by the fruit of his work. He makes grass grow for the cattle, and plants for people to cultivate bringing forth food from the earth, wine that gladdens human hearts, oil to make their faces shine, and bread that sustains their hearts.

Yet how often do we forget that it is He who is the provider of all things? When we think about our work, our successes, the products we have packaged and sold to others, how often have we traced our thoughts back to the One through whom all things have been made and created?

We exalt our strengths above His work, with such audacity! We claim His glory for ourselves, with such arrogance!

This Psalm certainly puts us in our place, and teaches us to cultivate a grateful heart. It makes me realise too, that no matter what business we are in, what work we do, we should not lay claim to earth’s resources as if it were exclusively ours, but to recognise we have been given them in His love, His provision to mankind. When you realise how it was not ours to begin with, but His, it should make us think twice before ripping someone else off. We have been called to be good stewards.

May the work of my hands flourish Lord, that it may be a blessing unto others. Amen.